Narrator: Sometimes, Matilda longed for a friend. For instance, I kind of question Danny DeVito's decision to play the evil, horrible father and also the kind, understanding, sympathetic narrator. NCh: I mean it's not bad, it's just not great either, it's kind of muddled. When she eventually convinces her awful father to let her go to school, she finds a friend in the wonderful, perfect teacher, Miss Honey, and an enemy in the child-loathing principal, the Trunchbull. NCh (vo): ( Sinister English cackle) (in normal voice) So the plot is this: It's basically a biopic about a young girl with terrible, horrible parents, who not only teaches herself how to read but also to be a decent person. The Trunchbull: You can't handle the little viper so you're trying to foist her off on one of the other teachers! All American now! ( slipping into an English accent) Well, except the bad guy, of course. NCh (vo): Except for the country in which the film takes place, of course. NCh: And more to the point, Danny DeVito clearly wanted to do right by Roald Dahl ( grumbles) Roald Dahl. (C ut to clips of Battlefield Earth) This was, of course, before Battlefield Earth came along and ruined Dutch angles forever. Look at the careful use of Dutch angles to imply unpleasantness. NCh (vo): You can see it in the cinematography, for instance. NCh: But I would be loathed to lump Matilda in with that sort of children's movie, and there is art in it, and the filmmakers clearly cared about staying true to Roald Dahl and his characters. ( Image of the various Disney Sequels) Do I need to bring up the Disney sequels again? Most kids' movies are very quickly licensed crap thrown together because kids are stupid and they'll watch anything. NCh (vo): But you can see why it has such a cult following. NCh: But is the movie any good? Well, get ready to drop your champagne glasses and pop your monocles 'cos here's my big damn controversial opinion on Matilda: It's.okay. ( gunshot sound is heard and NC screams while reeling away from the window) stop using that voodoo doll on my genitals! Nostalgia Critic: Alright, fine, fine! I won't do the Matilda review! Just for God's sakes. ( Cut to the Nostalgia Critic, yelling out his window at an angry mob) NCh: Or they learn to keep their mouths shut about it in the interests of their personal safety. ( Cut to Nella, lying on her bed, clutching a copy of the book) NCh: Yes, people seem to react very passionately to this movie. I mean, of course they did, it's about a genius little girl who develops psychic powers and embarrasses her stupid jerk parents and gives comeuppance to her cruel, bullying principal. It is a foul, nasty dark movie and of course, kids absolutely loved it. In this movie, evil monstrous teachers abuse kids horribly for no reason, a fat kid is forced to gorge himself and it's gross, crappy cars are sold for unreasonable prices and television is very, very bad. NCh (vo): Matilda! Based on the children's book by Roald Dahl, writer of weird, unpleasant books and brought to the big screen by Danny DeVito, director of weird, unpleasant movies. ( Cut to the book cover and clips of Matilda) Nostalgia Chick: Lisa Simpsons of the world, you finally have a movie of your very own.
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